Miscarriage. Such a harsh word. People don’t like to hear it. People don’t like to say it. But the truth is, it is so much more common than we are aware of, so why aren’t we talking about it?
Before the birth of my beautiful, healthy baby boy, I had a miscarriage. Whoa. The hardest and most emotional thing I have ever experienced thus far. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of months so when that pregnancy test popped up “PREGNANT”, we were ecstatic! I was in shape, I was healthy, so we weren’t anticipating any issues. We were living in New York at the time and my Army husband was away for training (what was new). I woke up one Saturday morning and noticed I was bleeding a little bit. Not much. Spotting is how I would describe it. I was still pretty early in my pregnancy so we hadn’t told anyone- which meant I had no one to seek advice from- so I did what we all do…. I googled. From what I read, it was pretty common to “spot” early on in pregnancy so I went about my day and didn’t worry too much about it. Then Sunday morning came around….
This time when I woke up, I was bleeding. Not spotting. Bleeding. I was also cramping. This is NOT normal, I kept telling myself. It’s Sunday so my doctor’s office wasn’t open, what do I do? I called the doctor on-call and anxiously waited for a call back. As I’m waiting for a call back, I start to bleed more heavily and start to have some clotting as well. By this time, fear is kicked into high gear but I didn’t call my husband. I didn’t want to worry him until I spoke to the doctor because after I spoke to the doctor, she would tell me everything was fine and this was normal…. right?
The doctor finally called me back and I told her how far along I was and described everything I was experiencing. Then she said THAT word. Miscarriage. I will never forget the exact words she said to me… “This sounds like a miscarriage. You will most likely continue to clot and cramp until you pass the baby”. Pass the baby. Was she serious?! At that time, I called my husband, told him what was happening, and broke down.
I continued to miscarry for several days after that. Alone. Because I was thousands of miles away from home, no one knew I was even pregnant, and my husband was gone. I struggled for a while after that. Of course, we wanted to try again, but I was honestly terrified. What if this happened again? What if it continued to happen and something was wrong with me? These are actual thoughts I was thinking.
But then something happened…. I started talking about it. I started researching it. I got a FACT BOMB dropped on me. Miscarriage is common. Especially with your first pregnancy. And it has nothing…. did you read that…. nothing to do with your body or something you did.
If you’re a Christian, like me, you might take comfort in accepting that He is in control and He doesn’t make mistakes. It may hurt. It may be the hardest thing you ever go through. But you come out stronger. And if you’re lucky like me, the end result is a beautiful child that blesses every. single. second. of your life. ♥